Help Wanted

Looking for a pitcher that likes the adrenaline rush of coming into baseball games in the 9th inning or 8th inning when runners on and a 1 run lead. Person must be able to close games out, and be solid for the 3 or more outs. Candidate must have mentality of a Johnathan Popelbon of Redsox.
We prefer that you don't throw hanging curve balls, or fastballs straight down the middle with no movement. We also ask that you don't give up walk off home runs as you may be booed, written about by sports media, and the possibility of our manager having a heart attack as he can't take much more.
We also would like it if you could keep your ERA below 3.50 if possible and have more saves than runs scored. Our current person that is about to be fired has a 4.47 ERA with 30 runs versus 23 saves. He choose to have his worst season since 2005 this year, and it hasn't sat well with the folks here. Our preference is that you would make ESPN Sportcenter by making saves rather than giving up homers.

Please submit Statistics to Wrigley Field Chicago, IL.